So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
