it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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