im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
worst night to have a conscience
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
