ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
