How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
