You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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