I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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