Acid is not a monday night drug
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
