she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
