Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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