News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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