he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will be naked everywhere
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You've changed since you got that strap on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
