i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
