I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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