we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
