Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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