I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
