Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
