I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
