so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
