she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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