I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
