I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
