Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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