Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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