Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
