I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
