Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
