oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
