Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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