I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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