Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
