You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I AM VODKA MAN
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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