He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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