Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
