every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
