I love black thongs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
