i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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