About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
