I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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