Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
