...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
