just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
