we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
