I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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