i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
