I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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