he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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