just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
