there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
