If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
